Surrendering the Secret Online Bible Study Week 3

Welcome back to the Womens Bible Cafe as we continue our bible study for abortion healing. Last week was really tough as you shared your abortion stories and broke through a thick wall of fear. I’m so proud of each of you…just know if we were sitting in  a room together I’d cry tears of happiness for each of you. For those who are still struggling to release their secret…let us know so we can pray for you. Post an anonymous message below using the email and allow us to cover you in prayer.

You’ll continue feeling a wave of emotions as you heal. This week in Session Three you learned to walk in truth. As you worked through your Surrendering the Secret learner book you faced the lies of Satan and learned the truth about abortion. In order to heal, you need to make the connection between Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS) and the truth. You’ve had an opportunity to learn this week how your abortion secret continues to affect you today. There are 14 recognized symptoms of PAS

  1. Guilt
  2. Anxiety
  3. Psychological numbing
  4. Depression and thoughts of suicide
  5. Anniversary syndrome
  6. Re-experiencing the abortion
  7. Preoccupation with becoming pregnant again
  8. Anxiety over fertility and childbearing
  9. Interruption of bonding process with present/future children
  10. Survival guilt
  11. Development of eating disorders
  12. Alcohol and drug abuse
  13. Self-punishing or self-degrading behaviors
  14. Brief reactive psychosis

Source: Ramah International

As you worked through your lesson this week, you realized that your have the right to grieve your unborn child. You’ve been grieving silently for all the years since your abortion and it’s time to heal this pain. Pat Layton writes “At death, the unborn child immediately passes into God’s presence. Each of those little ones is with the Father. They have identity and individuality; they deserve to be known for what they are: eternal beings. They have  a divine purpose which we shall perceive clearly when the day dawns that we no longer see through a glass darkly, but then will see face to face.” Let her words sink deep into your heart: “Not only is your child fully human from the moment of conception but her or she has already been given a personal, eternal soul.”

Later in your abortion healing journey you will have the opportunity to remember your baby. This week your assignment is to write letters to each of the people involved in your abortion. Write letters to the child’s father, your parents, the abortion clinic and doctor and anyone who participated in the choice termination of your pregnancy. DO NOT MAIL or GIVE THE LETTERS to people. This is a healing exercise and your thoughts must be safe from harming others. Write what you feel and express your feelings of anger or hurt. This homework is required for next week so get a box of tissues, a glass of water and a place where you can write your letters. Keep them hidden.

Here’s what some of the women healed post-abortive have experienced when completing the STS study:

With me I always knew the truth behind my choice. Growing up in a Christian home attending a private Christian home I cannot claim lack of knowledge that led me to the clinic that day. I knew better and I still chose to exchange my pro-life beliefs for pro-choice out of convenience and fear. The moment of truth about my abortion that hit me was because I had what is called a “medical abortion” where you swallow pills, I tried to convince myself I miscarried. So when I reached the point of no longer being able to lie to myself, that was a low point for me. I hated my choice and myself. I know there was no reversing my decision and that was a sickening feeling. I quickly moved from denial into owning my devastating choice and the burden of truth would weigh heavy on my heart. Lelia Chealey STS certified leader in Nebraska…email at or visit

After studying the Truth about abortion in this  study, I felt heartsick and then angry! Because I have two children and am an Ultrasound technologist I pretty much knew about fetal development and had accepted the truth that even at 6 1/2 weeks ( the stage at time of abortion for me), my baby was alive, with all of its DNA, a beating heart and even developing fingers and toes.   I was heartsick that I’d fallen into Satan’s trap of sexual sin, and then that same Tempter became my Accuser saying:  “You can’t let anyone know you’re pregnant.”  “You’ll disgrace your family, your boyfriend’s (my Pastor’s son) family, and your own reputation as a Christian will be ruined if you let it be known you’re pregnant.”  I had always blamed myself and my boyfriend but never really saw that others had a part in this decision.  Doctors were  making money by abortion. I was told it was  just a simple procedure. The word baby was never mentioned.  I didn’t know I would never forget and never be the same. I recognized guilt, shame, fear, and deep regret as huge factors in my life that had greatly afftected my marriage and my parenting!  One of my favorite sites listed in this week’s material is–video clips–arms and legs… Shows beautiful unfolding of the baby’s hand!  John 8:32 (You will know the truth and the truth will set you free) helped me get through TRUTH week!  Tricia Heflin, National Trainer and Group Leader for Surrendering the Secret email or visit

When I did the STS study and chapter three, I found it hard to stay on course. I wanted to shut the book and look away and not face the truth, kindda like a spoiled kid. I knew it was important to healing and prayed each time I felt the urge to quit.  When I looked back on the lies I became very angry. At the time of the abortion I believed that it was not a baby, there would not be side effects, it wasn’t murder and the baby would be deformed if I did not abort. Lies, lies, lies. As I grew in faith I started to see the truth and knew God was my ultimate source for healing. During my STS experience I was so amazed to realize that my unborn baby was not a mass of tissues and that God loved him/her. I started to connect emotionally to my child for the first time in 20 years.  Denise, past participant


Write letters to the people involved in your abortion. DO NOT MAIL or GIVE the LETTERS to people. Your journey continues this week. Start by viewing the video for session four (optional due to the cost) and then complete the exercises in Session Four of your Surrendering the Secret Learners Guide

Additional Resources

Learn Abby Johnson’s story from her book and documentary Unplanned –click here


During this abortion recovery bible study, we encourage you to pray for one another and for the leaders of the study. Please post a prayer request or praise report below, or visit the Prayer Wall.

Pat Layton Quotes

  • The nation in general is ignorant about abortion.
  • You have the right to grieve the loss of your unborn child.
  • All prenatal existence is related to postnatal life.
  • At death, the unborn child immediately passes into God’s presence. Each of those little ones is with the Father. They have a divine purpose and deserve to be know as eternal beings.

Group Discussion Questions

God will comfort you in the heart and voices of other women who share this journey. For confidentiality, we’ve created an anonymous email address for use during this bible study. Please use the same nickname throughout the study and use the email if you want to remain anonymous and keep your comments confidential.

  1. Share how you felt after learning the truth about abortion.
  2. What lies did you hear at the time of your abortion?
  3. Share any thoughts you have about this week’s lesson.
  4. Post a prayer request or tell us how we can support you right now.

If you need additional support for this journey, please contact Carrie Bond from Surrendering the Secret at or 817-629-9435

Author Christine Abraham

Founder and Ministry Director of the Womens Bible Cafe™ since 2009, Christine has led 60+ online Bible Studies for women. She completed a Graduate of Biblical Studies from Liberty University. She’s an inspired writer, Amazon Top Reviewer and Blogger Follow on Facebook

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Join the discussion 17 Comments

  • Nicolie says:

    1. Sadly, I knew the truth of what I was doing then. What I didn’t know is how it would affect me and how much I’d miss the life I carelessly discarded.

    2. The lies I heard and trusted in were numerous. “It won’t be something you really think about once it’s over.” “We can’t tell our parents.” “This will be better in the long run for us.” “The baby is better off if we have no means of caring for it anyway.” “I could never go through with an adoption plan.” “No one will ever know” “Once it’s over, I’ll be able to move on.” “This is something we have to do. It’s whats’ best.” “Having a baby will screw up my future.” “I’m a failure and a disappointment.”

    • Christine Smith says:

      You now realize the anger and hurt caused by these lies and how they weigh upon women after their abortions. Most women have been carrying the anger inwards and blame themselves, not knowing there was a web of lies created to serve the purpose of an enemy we cannot see. The Devil had his hand in this… yet women blame and hate themselves. That makes me angry in a healthy way….because I realize we are able to help women heal and encourage other women not to abort their babies. Use your past for good in the LORD’s kingdom. You are loved.

  • Sarah says:

    I hate abortion! I am so sad, mad and sick over this LIE! I am learning “that” is what changed me, my life, set me up for a life of depression, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts and feel unloved and untrustworthy. I am so MAD right now.

    Pray for me, please

    • Christine Smith says:

      I am praying Sarah, and also relieved that you have discovered the root of bitterness. With this new knowledge, you will have the tools to forgive yourself and be set free from strongholds put upon your back. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it makes you angry and furious. Yes…Jesus is right beside you and knows you were deceived. Accept His love, His forgiveness, His tender mercy and grace You are a Daughter of the King and never again will Satan steal your identity! You are loved.

  • evie730 says:

    The lies was basically within me. I am only 19. I need to finish school. I dont want to be tied down to this man like that. It was hard facing THE TRUTH of abortions. Very surprised that only 1% actually are done in situations like where life is threatened.

    This has truly been difficult. A lot of tears were shed with this. Just facing what actually took place, very heard. Yet at the same time I experienced a break through within me. I sense of release. Interesting feelings!

  • Sue Alice says:

    Just that no one told me the truth and my mom had me do this. I think I am still hurt over this and cannot talk to her about now…not in hate or anger just ask why?

    • Christine Smith says:

      Write her the letter as if she is here…and speak your heart through your words. It’s important for your healing journey. You are loved.

  • Natalie says:

    I feel devastated by what I did and what I’m missing out on because of my choices. I also feel angry that I believed the lies I was told.

    I think there were a lot of lies floating around in my head at the time, but the two that sold the deal were that my parents would be disappointed and unforgiving and that I would no longer be able to participate in what I loved the most, which was student ministry.

    • Christine Smith says:

      It’s valuable to recognize and acknowledge your feelings, in order to bring healing to your past. In the next chapter you’ll discover the source of those lies and how they impacted your choice. You are loved.

    • Tristine says:

      Yes, Natalie, but you are so brave for admitting it all now. That’s what God desires of us. You are in my prayers, friend!

  • Vicci Mauldin says:

    Hi Ladies. Keep talking and sharing with each other. Don’t give up. Jesus is right beside you helping you. You may not feel it yet, but He is there. In Christ, Vicci Mauldin, Levelland, TX (a post-abortion woman who received true healing through Jesus and forgave myself) 🙂

  • Tristine says:

    The worse part for me was knowing full well what I was doing at the time. I had already had my first child. I remember very specifically that when I found out with him I REFUSED to have an abortion and I was 16. Talk about scared and confused, but I knew in my heart I couldn’t abort him. So what, then, made me so able to abort the next two? It dawned on me last week that the decision to keep my first child was mine, alone, to make. His father wasn’t involved. We weren’t a couple, and I didn’t love him. So his opinion didn’t matter to me. However, the next two were the complete opposite. They were both with men I thought I loved and truly believed I’d be with for the rest of my life.

    The first one just said he never wanted children and it was the abortion or he was done. The second one promised me a life full of children in our future, but he was in college getting his degree as an architect and he didn’t want anything to stand in his way. Mind you, I had a child already, and both men were fully active in his life. So go figure. Those two men tormented me for years. I struggled with a love triangle with those two for nearly 10 years! I never realized why I felt such a connection to either one of them after we split, but it was always incredibly hard to let them go. I now know why.

    I wanted the babies, but they didn’t. And their love for me depended on that ultimate decision. And I was never the same in either of those relationships afterwards, which is probably why they didn’t work out.

    Most people go into abortion not fully aware of the truth. I, on the hand, shamefully admit…I knew full well what I was doing, and that’s why I chose a life of self-destruction afterwards. I fortunate to know Christ’s love and forgiveness…

    • Christine Smith says:

      It should be healing for you to write letters to these two men this week, and to get those feelings onto paper. Consider everyone involved…and not involved…and how they impacted your decision. DO NOT MAIL the letters. You are loved.

  • Sarah says:

    Share how you felt after learning the truth about abortion. Completely sick and devastated that I killed my babies and mortified that s/he felt pain. I am also very sad that I trusted my mom and she let me down.

    What lies did you hear at the time of your abortion? I was too “young” for a baby, I would never make it as a single mom, my family would be disappointed, I just started college and would never finish.

    • Christine Smith says:

      It hurts to acknowledge the lies, especially when they’re from someone you love and trusted. Wrapping you in big hugs and praying as you walk this journey. You are loved.

    • Tristine says:

      That dreaded word, “never.” Isn’t it funny how we believe that word in so many structures: you’ll never make it, you’ll never survive. While all along, we will. The honesty behind the word, never, is, “it will be difficult, but you’ll get through it.”

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