Do I Feel Alone?

By April 1, 2012Cancer & Faith

This post is written by Cindy as she shares her breast cancer journey with the Women’s Bible Cafe guests. Please continue to pray through her healing and recovery. Post a prayer or comment below.

It took me by surprise.  Honestly, I had never really thought about it.  The other day, my two friends, Nancy and Emma, and I were sitting upstairs in Nancy’s TV room eating coconut pie, when Nancy asked me, “Do you ever feel alone?  I stopped to think a minute.  It’s true—no one can walk this walk for me. Even though I have the support of my wonderful family, church, and friends, I am the one who has to ultimately walk into that chemo room and face this cancer.

Do I feel alone?  No, I really don’t.  Because—I’m not.  Jesus has been my companion for as long as I can remember.  He’s my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on, my friend.  We’ve met every morning for years, me—sitting in my chair, Him—just here somewhere.  Some mornings I could reach out and touch Him; other mornings, not so much.  But, I can honestly say, now that I really think about it, that I do not feel alone.

One night several weeks ago, after the first day of my last chemo treatment, I woke up sweating.  Chemo and steroids don’t bode well for a good night’s rest.  My husband was sleeping in the other room so that he could, well, sleep.  There wasn’t going to be a lot of sleeping with me that night.  I sat up on the side of the bed.  The window was open so I could hear the soft sounds of the night and feel the cool breeze.  In my spirit, I felt the Lord right there in the room with me.  The word, cleansed, came to my mind.  What a strange word.  “What are you saying to me, Lord?” I believe that the Lord was telling me that He was cleansing my body with the healing drips and His peaceful healing presence.  I got out and peeked out the window at the beautiful moon.  No, I did not feel alone.  God’s presence was so palatable that I could just reach out and touch Him.  I was not afraid.

Author WBC

Find online bible studies for women at the Womens Bible Cafe. It's also a place where you can meet other Christian women from around the world and fellowship together. If you're unable to a attend a church small group bible study then the Bible Study Cafe is just right for you! Look under "Current Studies" to see what we're reading. Bring your book and let's study the Word together.

More posts by WBC

Join the discussion 7 Comments

  • J. Denise says:

    I needed that reminder after the year I have had. I know it could always be worst. But, most of all I know I would have never made it through if I did not have God by my side. I felt alone alot but, I know now that was just because my faith had to grow. Thank you for shaing your story. May God continue to bless you!

  • joannna says:

    Cindy you are such an inspiration to me. You are in my prayers

  • Audrey says:

    Thank you so much for sharing htis journey with us. You have touched my heart and I too feel the cleansingof the Lord in my life as well. I have diabetes and kidney problems, but God is cleaning me and I feel the “diseases” I have ae being cleansed form me as I also do my part and trust God and take careof myself.
    God Bles you as He continues to heal and love on you.

  • Nicole says:

    Cindy,

    I first want to thank you for your courage to share your experience. To open your heart for the world to see is incredibley brave. As I started reading this post I thought “Yes, I do feel alone.” I have a strong faith, always have, but sometimes I have felt a little lost and alone. One of my worse moments was the pregnancy of my fourth child. I was dangerously ill and wasn’t sure I could be strong enough for me or my baby. My husband is a good man but emotionally he wasn’t present. Perhaps it was too much for him to bare. I spent so much time alone, unable to care for my children, and living through an unsermountable amount of pain. Spring was my favorite time of year and I was missing it. I was trapped inside my room, inside my own head and pain really. But outside my window was the most beautiful crab apple tree. I watched it bloom. I watched the water sit on the petals and how the sun seemed to sparkle on its leaves. Those images kept me going. I didn’t realize it at the time and really not until I read your post that God was with me. He wanted me to see the beauty of his work and to have faith that he would take care of me and my little girl. God was always there, right next to me. And I did give birth somehow to a perfectly healthy baby girl. How he protected her from all that I endured I have no idea. But God is amazing and he is always there to help you when you are weak. God bless you and your family.

    • Dear Nicole,
      You are so right! God never left your side. These are the times that build your faith. As you grow older, your friendship with God will continue to grow, especially as you continue to experience amazing miracles like the birth of your beautiful little baby girl. It’s true, no one could walk that walk with you except God. A dear Christian gentleman told me one day, “I want to walk so close to Jesus, that when it’s time to go to heaven, I’ll just keep on walking!” Thank you for your beautiful comment. You made my day!! Blessings!

  • Carol says:

    You have a way of writing that touches my heart. I have read your responses in some of the bible studies I have been involved in at Women’s Bible Cafe and have been encouraged by the words you give to others. You are such a blessing to me! I have been on a 40-day prayer for Lent but I want to add you to my prayer list. Have a blessed Easter!

  • Bridgette says:

    Thank you for sharing this with me. I know you don’t know me,
    but I feel inspired after reading this.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.